Johnny Moronic Capturing

26/06/2009

Redux Friday is back

I said that it would be a regular feature, well, once every three months in semi-regular, isn't it. Basically, I go back over my pre-seamless caps and redo them and make videos. Also in this update, I have a whole bunch of better videos of certain series.

Today, a couple of early decade Australian films are redone, Muggers and Walking on Water.

Petra Yared in Muggers

18420kb 58sec 720x320 (bra and panties through nightgown)

26142kb 1min 23sec 720x320 (breasts and side boob later)

Nicola Charles in Muggers

8114kb 27sec 720x320 (see through to bra, plenty of leg)

15706kb 49sec 720x320 (breast)

Maria Theodorakis in Walking on Water

43230kb 2min 01sec 800x432 (breasts, see-through bra)

Tags: Petra Yared, Nicola Charles, Maria Theodorakis

23/06/2009

Update for 23 June...

Just clearing out the back log and first up is some stuff from the film Meet Bill.

Elizabeth Banks in Meet Bill

Raw HD caps of Elizabath from Meet Bill are available here.

September 2019 collages

June 2009 collages

26974kb 28sec 1920x1036 (bra and panties)

36886kb 35sec 1920x1036 (bra and panties)

Jessica Alba in Meet Bill

June 2009 collages

2250kb 8sec 800x448 (sucking some lucky boy's finger)

Sarah Howard in Meet Bill

Raw HD caps of Sarah from Meet Bill are available here.

June 2009 collages

35808kb 34sec 1920x1036 (bra)

Tags: Elizabeth Banks, Jessica Alba, Sarah Howard

21/06/2009

Update for 21 June...

Back on the Spanish kick again, this time from two films with quite a bit of nudity in them.

Los Años Desnudos (The Naked Years) is a film that celebrates the Spanish erotic films of the 70s. Basically, three women in their 30s are cast in a bunch of erotic films and the film follows the actresses personal affairs and the films they made. Also includes a cameo from one of stars of the period, Susana Estrada. Although the film focuses more on the affairs of the women (I would've preferred if they focused more on the film side), it's a pretty good tale of the period. I wouldn't mind seeing a film that focuses on the heyday of Category III films in Hong Kong during the late 80s, early 90s. The Erotic Ghost Story series would be a great starting point...

El Patio de mi Cárcel is about a group of women who form an acting group in prison as a way of getting a more harmonious prison yard. Pretty good film that gives a more sanitised look at the prison yard, but it tells an interesting story nonetheless. And the film stars Verónica Echegui and Candela Peña (who's in both of today's films), which is a plus in my book.

One of these days I'll have to get around to capping Torremolinos 73. What a great little film that is.

Candela Pena in Los Años Desnudos

51202kb 2min 39sec 800x336 (full frontal and rear, lengthy)

11496kb 37sec 800x336 (dancing in shorts, body suit, pokies, side boob)

66802kb 3min 26sec 800x336 (breasts)

18376kb 58sec 800x336 (breasts and bum, Mar in bra)

6892kb 22sec 800x336 (breast almost falling out of dress)

8058kb 25sec 800x336 (breasts while sucking lollipop, bra, bathing suit in shower)

4020kb 14sec 800x336 (bra)

Goya Toledo in Los Años Desnudos

15422kb 49sec 800x336 (breasts)

20108kb 1min 03sec 800x336 (hot tub action)

9426kb 31sec 800x336 (blow job)

62438kb 3min 13sec 800x336 (Gota, Candela and Mar in sexy dress. Tomato thrown at Mar exposes breast, clearly a double)

16272kb 52sec 800x336 (Goya grabs Mar's breasts during sexy photo shoot)

24646kb 1min 17sec 800x336 (Goya, Candela and Mar writhing on gravesite in bra and panties, almost kissing)

27120kb 1min 25sec 800x336 (almost girl-girl kiss between Goya and Mar)

30472kb 1min 35sec 800x336 (girl-girl kissing between Goya and Candela. Goya flagellates herself. Mar watches on)

Mar Flores in Los Años Desnudos

13826kb 44sec 800x336 (leggy in nice dress)

15648kb 49sec 800x336 (attempts to pull down dress, but stops when interrupted)

12040kb 39sec 800x336 (pills gown night dress, no nudity)

Helena Martin in Los Años Desnudos

11432kb 36sec 800x336 (breasts, also others show breasts)

Verónica Echegui (with Violeta Pérez, Ledicia Sola and Adriana Ugarte) in El Patio de mi Cárcel

3734kb 13sec 720x304 (passing pills by kiss with Adriana Ugarte)

33190kb 1min 44sec 720x304 (breasts)

21644kb 1min 07sec 720x304 (full frontal with Violeta Pérez, Ledicia Sola and Adriana Ugarte)

17322kb 55sec 720x304 (breasts)

Ledicia Sola and Natalia Mateo in El Patio de mi Cárcel

10602kb 40sec 720x304 (breasts and lesbian action with Ledicia Sola and Natalia Mateo)

2582kb 10sec 720x304 (breasts)

2698kb 10sec 720x304 (girl-girl kiss with Ledicia Sola and María Pau Pigem)

Tatiana Astengo in El Patio de mi Cárcel

27086kb 1min 25sec 720x304 (degrading strip search, full frontal attempting to cover, forced to urinate...)

Unknown in El Patio de mi Cárcel

6904kb 23sec 720x304 (measuring for proper bra, brief breasts, bra)

Tags: Candela Pena, Goya Toledo, Mar Flores, Helena Martin, Verónica Echegui, Ledicia Sola, Natalia Mateo, Tatiana Astengo, Violeta Pérez, Adriana Ugarte

13/06/2009

Update for 13 June...

A couple of Australian women for this brief update.

Bedtime Stories is just another Adam Sandler film, this time a lot tamer because it's for kids. There's nothing new here and some of the stuff here would make some young kids roll their eyes, but if you're a fan (I'm was a fan, now lapsed after recent efforts) you'll probably get something out of it. Teresa Palmer is very pretty though, but all of her skimpy time is incredibly brief, where as Jessica Biel had an extremely long scene in Chuck and Larry.

Crooked Business is a Gold Coast based crime caper that owes a lot (and I mean a helluva lot) to Guy Ritchie, but that's not necessarily a bad thing considering Ritchie's has become a parody of himself and Crooked Business doesn't take itself all that seriously. Stars a lot of Australian actors who you'd go 'Aw, I know him, he was in... um... yeah, but I've seen him before'. I've only ever seen Kelly Atkinson from the almost never released Voodoo Lagoon (I think it's only Germany). The trailer suggested she had a nude scene in that film, but none was in the final cut. She doesn't have one in Crooked Business, but plenty of shots of her bum if you like that sort of thing ;)

Teresa Palmer in Bedtime Stories

(1080HD - link in image) 43056kb 40sec 1920x816 (plenty of cleavage in nice dress)

(1080HD - link in image) 24676kb 22sec 1920x816 (plenty of cleavage in nice dress)

(1080HD - link in image) 29682kb 27sec 1920x816 (plenty of cleavage in nice dress)

(1080HD - link in image) 14484kb 13sec 1920x816 (bikini top and skirt)

(1080HD - link in image) 24546kb 23sec 1920x816 (plenty of cleavage in nice dress)

(1080HD - link in image) 17492kb 16sec 1920x816 (bikini)

Lucy Lawless in Bedtime Stories

24626kb 23sec 1920x816 (bikini top and skirt)

Kelly Atkinson in Crooked Business

16506kb 52sec 800x448 (plenty of cleavage and rear views in tight denim shorts)

27246kb 1min 25sec 800x448 (sex scene, stripping to bra, undoes bra, brief butt crack)

Ardina Voogt in Crooked Business

23496kb 1min 14sec 800x448 (plenty of slow motion bikini action, pokies, sun screen on breasts and other areas)

Tags: Teresa Palmer, Lucy Lawless, Kelly Atkinson, Ardina Voogt

07/06/2009

Update for 7 June...

Another brief update today, this time from the Mexican ensemble romantic drama Amar.

Amar is an interesting look at 5 different relationships in different phases of the relationship and their sexual releationship. If this was an American film, it would be incredibly tame, but this film isn't afraid to show a bit of skin and for a bit of time too. The film is well worth a look and I'd been wondering where Katharine Towne had been as I haven't seen her on screen for a while.

Diana Garcia in Amar

39884kb 1min 44sec 800x448 (bra almost off, upskirt)

88068kb 3min 49sec 800x448 (breasts, bra, lengthy)

23006kb 1min 01sec 800x448 (breasts, bra and panties)

97344kb 4min 14sec 800x448 (breasts, bra and panties, lengthy)

María Aura in Amar

24716kb 1min 05sec 800x448 (bra)

21600kb 57sec 800x448 (breasts, bra and panties, upshort)

7980kb 21sec 800x448 (breasts, bikini bottoms)

45202kb 1min 52sec 800x448 (bra)

12836kb 33sec 800x448 (bra and panties)

3488kb 10sec 800x448 (breasts, bra and panties)

36976kb 1min 37sec 800x448 (breasts, bum)

Katharine Towne in Amar

52518kb 2min 17sec 800x448 (bra, short shorts, lapdancing)

21412kb 57sec 800x448 (lapdance, rear in G-string)

19280kb 51sec 800x448 (bra and panties, two ways)

16196kb 43sec 800x448 (rear in G-string, upskirt)

Gabriela Murray in Amar

9404kb 26sec 800x448 (bra, taken from behind)

4572kb 13sec 800x448 (underwear)

Tags: Diana Garcia, María Aura, Katharine Towne, Gabriela Murray

03/06/2009

Update for 3 June...

Brief update today from that Aussie 'masterpiece' Meat Pie.

Well, I'm spent. That was an experience and a half.

Meat Pie is bad, Ed Wood bad.

So where do I start. How 'bout the plot?

Well Jono (Ed Kavalee) is left in charge of his father's pie shop, he shuts up shop to 'make love to' the 'mincer'. And in the love throes, he 'slices' his penis off (I'll explain how this is so later on :)). Jono then goes to Sydney (apparently to have a new penis sown on) and meets up with his friends Mandy (Jo Ashton), Fiona (Aphrodite Vuitton) and Shane (Paul He) who join him back in Wagga Wagga. Meanwhile, Jono's so called best friend Dale (Xavier Fernandez) is conniving with a local university lecturer (Austen Teyshus) to shut down Jono's father's meat pie shop after he apparently ate a pie with Jono's sliced off penis in it (replete with Prince Albert).

Jono tries to get back with his girlfriend Charlene (Erin Gray, not that one) after a donkey punch sex act goes horribly wrong. He attempts to have sex with her even though his penis isn't ready to be used, so he uses one of his father's sex toys (don't ask). Dale is also conniving to get Charlene and is helped by Jono allegedly giving Charlene herpes, which actually came from the sex toy he was using from a cold sore that fell off Shane while he was licking it. Fiona is also after Jono, but being a wallflower has made Jono oblivious to her attraction.

Just in time for the annual B and S ball, Jono's new penis is finally unveiled and it is an emormous penis taken from a dead black porn star (and Jono is white). Fiona has a Queer Eye makeover (yeah, the film is already that dated) to impress Jono. It works and she gets to sit on his big black penis after all. Mandy, who's sexuality has been gently prodded towards being a lesbian hooks up with Charlene, just seconds after dumping Dale, but involves him in a threesome. Dale then admits to Mandy that he prefers to have sex with dead people. Mandy is (rightfully) disgusted and Dale attempts to silence her. A chase ensues, with Jono getting into a fight with Dale. Dale falls off a (convenient) cliff, but grabs onto Jono's penis, but the penis can't hold the wait and it is ripped off as he falls to his death.

Jono falls into a coma and is given Dale's normal sized penis. He and Fiona are now together. Shane (who's apparently a closet gay) gets the lawsuit against the meat pie store dropped by beginning an affair with the university lecturer.

Well, if you have read the above retelling of the film and not shaken your head is disbelief at least once, well, you're a sick sick person. The funny part is, this isn't even the half of it. This is just the plot. And the plot would barely scrounge 60 minutes in length. So there's over 20 minutes of stuff that is added to pad the film out. Some of it is a lot worse than the plot synopsis, but all of it is baffling in one way or another.

First off there's a bloke named Sammy Loora who turns up and talks to Jono's dad, but nothing meaningful or even funny, just baffling snippets of padding. He even gets his own music and title card as he enters and exits each scene. Later on at the B and S ball, Sammy, still in the same clothes he wears for the entire film, pours some water on some girls breasts during a wet T-Shirt component of the B and S ball (does that really happen?). Then there's an aborted dance routine during the closing credits that he begins, then it cuts away to a baffling crane shot of Sammy walking away from the meat pie shop, just shrugging his shoulders, which sums it up perfectly.

I don't know who Sammy Loora is, but the star Ed Kavalee said that the film was financed by a slumlord and the proceeds of a Mr Whippy (ice cream) van. I'll let you make your own assumptions there...

Then there's a bloke in a koala suit who randomly appears including in one of the most baffling continuity errors I've ever seen. The Koala is first seen annoying Jono in his dorm for some unknown reason. Then it is seen fucking a goat then interrupted by Garnet Mae's character complaining about want his turn, to which the koala suited bloke is seen fucking Garnet in one of the more baffling things I've ever seen. Not only that, we get to see the director's tossle. And a closing credit scene with Japanese tourists seems like something out of a family album. I'm suprised the koala doesn't attack the tourists as that seems to happen a bit too.

Finally is the producer/writer/director combo of Garnet Mae and Peter Furst who appear randomly throughout the film. Garnet, whose name is 'Gmail Comedy' which is unexplained, is more so than Peter. Twice the two are masturbating to rugby and mention it again later. Garnet also has sex with the koala suit bloke and the two are back together raiding a chook house for some more animal sex. Look, if you have your own private fantasies that are somewhat well, illegal and want to film them, fine, but don't put them in your film. Here's where I say that the illegal bestiality is fake, but I still get the feeling I will have to explain to the cops why I have this film.

Just a note on the reason for the film, a Ralph magazine article from the set has a quote from Jo Ashton where she says that Peter Furst wrote a scene in the film where he gets Jo to kame out with him and rub his crotch. Hmmmmmm...

The jokes are incredibly dated, even ones they may have seemed fresh at the time, particularly the gay ones. The meat pie store is called 'Meat Pie for the Straight Guy' and someone makes a Brokeback Mountain joke (which would have to have been done in reshoots as that movie wasn't released to after the film was first shown). Then there's two terribly flaming homosexuals who do a 'Queer Eye makeover'. And also there's the token Lord of the Rings 'My Precious' joke (about a penis piercing no less). That's the problem with doing pop culture jokes, they are dated before going to air, just look at those awful Date Movie/Epic Movie films.

The acting is quite simply dizzy stuff. Only Johnny Boxer as Jono's dad comes out of it with any dignity (if you could call it that). He basically plays himself and seems to be enjoying himself digging deeper and deeper into the mire of shit comedy this film has firmly placed itself. Everyone else looks like an amateur, including Ed Kavalee who seems to have moved on from this. He looks like a kid been let loose in a brothel and doesn't know what he can and can't do, particularly in the sex scenes. Paul He overdoes everything and I suppose you have to when you are constantly ejaculated over and then eventually pissed on.

The two Big Brother girls are there for recognition. Jo Ashton is there for the low cut tops and short skirts and for the couple of scenes they got her into her underwear and of course the girl-girl kiss. Her character has a lisp, but this lisp seems to carry on to ever word. Amazingly, she seems to keep the impediment for the entire film. Aphrodite Vuitton isn't too bad, but she does have a habit looking at the camera. Another Big Brother member, in fact the winner of that year, Trevor Butler has a cameo as a doctor and isn't too bad. Most of the other 'actors' either overdo it or are just plain awful. Austen Tahysus camps it up and I suppose you have to when your character is into perverse sexuality (like having sex with bird). The closing credits features him chasing an emu which just looks wrong. And Gabby Milgate of Muriel's Wedding fame probably killed her career with this film, although playing a 600 pound woman in Feed probably contributed.

And as a nod to the Meat pie 'trailor' on You Tube, there 2 minutes of blank screen after the credits. :)

So there you go, it's done and dusted, the most baffling film ever made in Australia (Yes, even more baffling than The Book of Revelation). The worst Australian movie ever? You could say that there's a similarity to early John Waters films, but his films were way more funnier than this and far less baffling. Well at least the film has no illusions as to how awful it is. But you have been warned, it's, it's...

Joanne Ashton in Meat Pie